


It Was A Beautiful Day

by Sev1970 (mk_malfoy)



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-05-14
Updated: 2006-05-14
Packaged: 2017-10-03 23:45:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mk_malfoy/pseuds/Sev1970
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry comes home to Hogwarts to die. This story concentrates on Harry's relationships with those he loves as he prepares to die. This will be extremely sad!</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Was A Beautiful Day

**Title**: It Was A Beautiful Day  
**Author**: Sev1970  
**Date Written**: May 14-18, 2006  
**Words**: 9,071  
**Pairing**: Severus/Harry, Harry/Ron alluded to  
**Summary**: Harry comes home to Hogwarts to die. This story concentrates on Harry's relationships with those he loves as he prepares to die. This will be extremely sad!  
**Rating**: R  
**Warnings**: Character Death, language, extremely sad – tissue warning!  
**A/N**: Thanks as always go to my wonderful and magnificent editor, Maggie! Here is the note she left me at the end of my fic:

_You killed me woman! And I love you for it. This was heartbreaking, wonderful, fantastic, beautiful, devastating, tragic, and just perfect. _

That is the best compliment I could have ever received! This is dedicated to her; her friendship means so much to me, and I just wish we lived closer.  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing Harry Potter related. It all belongs to J.K. Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and any other entities involved.

* * *

It was a beautiful day…

It was an unusual day in Scotland, warm and sunny - the countryside around Hogsmeade basking in the final vestiges of summer, one of those days that both children and parents alike lived for, the type of day where parks and playgrounds resonated with families, chatter, and laughter.

It was not only the inhabitants on the ground that seemed to be enjoying the lovely day, however. If anyone stopped to look up to the sky, they would see and hear many different species of birds twittering in all directions, eagerly chatting with each other as they passed over. If one were to glance towards the lake, they would see an osprey returning from its latest hunt for food, flying into a nearby pine tree, no doubt returning to its eyrie to feed its chicks. It would be almost impossible to miss the eagle soaring near the castle across the periwinkle blue sky as it and the osprey crossed paths. The calendar indicated that it was approaching the end of August, as well as the final month of summer, but the smells and sights were reminiscent of an early spring day in March.

It was a beautiful day…

Looking around him, his eyes taking in the majestic castle off in the distance, Harry tucked his Invisibility Cloak into his cloak pocket and began the trek up the winding path that would take him to Hogwarts. Glancing around, taking in his surroundings, Harry was pleased to see that not much had changed in the village during the years he had been away. There were a couple of new dwellings along the main road, but everything appeared much as it had nineteen years earlier. A family walked past him, a little girl skipping happily between her parents as she sang a song and clapped her hands. Harry smiled at them and waved to the little girl, who waved back and giggled.

Not that it would have bothered him if they had, but Harry was relieved that the family hadn't seemed to recognise him. Being out of the public eye had its advantages, and Harry did not miss the fuss that had always surrounded him at school. While he hadn't completely vanished from the wizarding world, he had not made himself accessible, either. He kept abreast of what was going on by way of Ron, and through his visits with Severus.

Severus

Severus had stayed away from Hogwarts for five years after the events that led to Dumbledore's death, knowing he would be sent to Azkaban if he returned. With the deaths of Voldemort, Fudge, Scrimgeour, and Umbridge, however, all charges against Severus had been dropped, and he returned to the only place he felt safe and wanted.

A few months after his return, he had sent Harry a letter explaining everything, and asking for forgiveness. Harry had replied saying he couldn't grant Severus any such thing because there was nothing to forgive. Harry reassured his former professor that he understood everything had to happen as it had in order for them to succeed in killing Voldemort.

Soon after, the two had begun exchanging letters, and soon the two had become what most people would consider friends, although Severus vociferously denied this to himself, as well as to Harry. His former adversarial relationship with Harry Potter may no longer have been intact, but old habits were hard to break, and it was not easy to admit he no longer wished to belittle the boy…or man as it were.

A year, endless talks, quarrels, and many dinners later, after a rather emotional conversation, the two had ended up in bed together, taking turns thoroughly exploring each other's bodies, but when Harry had pulled back to get the lubricant from his bedside table, Severus told Harry they had gone far enough and that they should get some sleep.

In the few hours spent together that night, Harry had decided he wanted to be with Severus, and he had fallen asleep with a smile on his face, dreaming of what their future would be like, knowing he could use his boyish charm to get Severus to make love to him sooner rather than later. When he awoke the following morning, however, his plans were thwarted when Severus told him they could not do this, and that Harry deserved to be truly happy. No matter how much Harry protested, Severus would not be moved to change his decision.

An upset Harry had given Severus one final kiss, telling the other he still wanted to remain friends, and Severus had held Harry in his arms as he told the younger man they would continue as they had. When Severus had gone, Harry felt as if he was losing something, and he hadn't understood why any of this was happening…well, he had, but he didn't want to think about it.

Ron

Harry knew Severus had turned him away all those years ago because of Ron, whom Harry had been dating. Harry and Ron's relationship had always been a complicated one. When they were together, it was magic at its best, and the two complemented each other as well as any two people, but with Ron gone much of the year with the Falmouth Falcons, the Quidditch team he coached, Harry felt alone. Instead of ending things, however, Harry acted as if everything was fine. Ron really did love him, and would come home to him after the season ended, just as he always had, and they would be blissfully happy until the next season began.

Thirteen years after that night with Severus, Harry was still with Ron, but despite that, or perhaps because of it, Harry and Severus had remained friends. Once a month, Severus Apparated to Harry's small cottage in the country, and the two talked for hours about what was going on in each of their lives, ate supper, had drinks, and then Severus would leave; their routine rarely varied.

Harry had last seen Severus three weeks earlier, and that had been the beginning…

…of the end.

Harry closed his eyes, remembering the conversation as if it had happened a second earlier. They had talked about many things that day, but what Harry remembered was the panic in Severus's voice when their talk had turned serious.

_"Harry, are you feeling well? You look ill."_

_"You said that last time...I feel fine, Severus."_

_"You once said you valued my opinion. I did not say you looked ill for my own benefit, Harry. I was expecting you to do something about it. You really do look quite pale, and you've lost weight you didn't have to spare."_

_"You sound worried."_

_"I am. You have been listless the last couple of times I've seen you. You look sickly, and you must have noticed you haven't had much energy; I certainly have. Harry, you looked as if you were going to faint before we sat down to dinner. Perhaps you should allow Madam Pomfrey to examine you."_

_"I can't go back there, you know that."_

_"Well, then promise me you'll have someone else examine you, even if it is a Muggle doctor. If you don't, I will take it upon myself to have you looked at."_

_"Yeah, okay, I will."_

_"Promise me, Harry."_

_"Okay, I promise."_

Reaching the castle, Harry opened the door, and breathed a sigh of relief when he found no one in the Entrance Hall. He felt uncomfortable enough as it was, and did not relish the thought of running into anyone. Unlike the family in Hogsmeade, the staff would know who Harry was, and they would not be polite and give him his space. They would fawn over him just as most people did when they saw him. He was thirty-six years old, but to his dying day, Harry Potter would be The Boy-Who-Lived.

He quickly made his way to the staff room, and was about to knock on the door when it opened and a steady stream of teachers filed past him, only a few giving him a curious glance. Term was two weeks away from beginning, and from the looks on everyone's face, Harry could tell that most of them were already stressed from their preparations. Funnily enough, Harry thought as he watched them exiting the room, their expressions looked about as dour as Severus's had when teaching.

When it seemed they had all exited, Harry peered around the door and saw that the person he needed to see was present. His face expressionless, he cleared his throat to announce his presence as he walked into the room. He watched as Minerva stood up and faced him, worry etched on her face.

"What did the doctor say?"

Harry looked over at Severus briefly, frowned, and then returned his gaze to Minerva for a few seconds, deciding what to say, and how to say it. He really shouldn't be surprised that she seemed to know why he was here. Out of the corner of his eye, Harry saw concern showing in Severus's eyes, and wished he could turn around and leave. This was not going to be easy, but there was nothing for it. He had no choice. Returning his attention to the headmistress, Harry smiled wanly.

"I take it Severus informed you of his concerns?" Harry did not wait for a response; he didn't need one. "It's not good news," Harry said as he shook his head, his hands balled into fists. He then turned to look at Severus, trying hard to keep his expression blank and his voice calm. "I have Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia," Harry said, not removing his eyes from Severus's. "You were right about me looking ill. I didn't want to come here, but under the circumstances, I guess this is probably the best place for me to be now." Harry then turned towards Minerva. "I've sold my cottage, and I've come to ask if you would allow me to remain here."

Harry lowered his head. He felt a bit disoriented, as if he might faint. He wasn't completely sure this was actually happening; it seemed like a dream he would wake from at any moment.

"Oh, Harry, of course you can stay here; we would be happy to have you. Are they sure about what you have?" asked Minerva as she neared him.

"Yeah, they're sure. They say it is appears to be advanced."

Harry allowed himself to be hugged, but he remained motionless, his eyes now looking at the wall, not seeing anything. He looked over to Severus, who had yet to say anything, but it was clear that he was upset - the long pale hands, partly obscured by the long sleeves of his robes - balled into fists and shook slightly. Looking down at his own hands, Harry observed that they too were shaking.

Severus looked at Minerva. "Would you give Harry and me a few moments alone?"

Minerva acted as if she hadn't heard anything. "When do you begin chemotherapy? We should get your name on the registry for bone marrow. My great niece, Matilda, had leukemia a few years ago, when she was the age you are now. She was given a bone marrow transplant, and today she is doing wonderfully. I am sure you will be just fine, as she is, Harry."

Harry looked at Severus, pleading for him to say something, but when nothing was said, Harry sighed and shook his head. He was facing both Minerva and Severus, but he continued looking at Severus as he answered Minerva's questions.

"I'm not going to do chemo, and neither am I going to get a bone marrow transplant." Harry shook his head adamantly when he saw that Minerva was about to speak. "No, let me finish before you say anything. Mr Angel said chemo and a transplant may help temporarily, but he was doubtful it would help much. My leukemia is far too advanced for anything to eradicate it." Harry then shrugged his shoulders.

"But it is a chance, Harry. You have to try. You never know what might happen. They could be wrong."

Harry, still looking at Severus, shook his head again. He was addressing Minerva but he was also telling this to Severus. Harry needed Severus to understand. "Let me ask you a question, Minerva. If you were told you were dying, and that you probably would not live more than six months, what would you do? If you were told that chemo would extend your life up to possibly four months, what would you do? Would you say yes, I want to do chemo, and see what happens? Is that what I should do? Should I begin taking chemo, get sick, want to die, and then hope I get better, only to not get better? And if it does let me live longer, would you want me to be able to live a few more months, feeling bad, and sapped of my strength?

"I don't want to do any of that, Minerva. I feel fine right now, and I don't want to get any worse than I am until I have to. Once it starts making me feel bad, that will be it - I won't get better. I've thought about this, and I've decided I don't want to undergo any curative treatments. I just want to live, that's all." Harry's voice remained strong - he knew what he wanted, and he was prepared to fight for it.

Minerva's chin was quivering uncontrollably. "That is what I want as well, Harry. Can't you just try chemotherapy? You never know what may happen. You could be healed of this. And what about Madam Pomfrey? Perhaps there is something that can be done magically."

Harry closed his eyes for a few seconds, reopening them, pleading for understanding. "Please don't. This is hard enough as it is. Magic won't cure me; what I have is not something we can wave our wand and fix. I've made my decision, and it is my decision," Harry said, his voice sounding much stronger than it had seconds earlier. "This is my life we are talking about, and if I'm okay with my decision, you should be as well."

Weeping openly now, Minerva shook her head and turned towards the door. "Talk some sense into him, Severus." She then left and closed the door.

Severus finally spoke, his voice calm…too calm. "Is there nothing I can say to change your mind?"

Harry finally allowed his face to show how he was feeling, and he wiped roughly at his eyes. "No, and don't think I am being the impudent boy who you taught nineteen years ago. Please don't try to change my mind, and before you ask, yes, I asked all the right questions. I asked what the percentages were, and I asked for their opinions. I didn't make this decision without thinking about it, and researching every possibility. I knew this was going to upset you, and that is the last thing I want to do, but you've got to know, I am doing what I need to do. Gah, I have looked through so many books, and I've talked to more people than I care to think about.

"In less than a month's time, I've gone from someone who was really naïve, to someone who more resembles you. I can tell you anything you want to know about what I have. The only reason I know any of this is because you made me go to the doctor. I wish I hadn't; I hate knowing what is going to happen, but I do, and we can't change that. So please trust me when I say I know what I want to do. I know the consequences of my choices. It's my life we're talking about, Severus. I know you and Minerva wish I would change my mind, and you'll both try to convince me to, that I have no doubt about. Do I want to die? Of course not. Who would? But, I can't allow myself to waste away because of treatments that may not even help me. You know how I get when I am ill, Severus. If I take chemo, I know I'll never recover. I'm not ready to get sick, not yet. Please don't ask me to." Harry was exhausted, and felt a bit embarrassed about how whiny he was sounding, but he needed Severus to understand.

Severus stood up, took a deep breath, and nodded; he would force himself to remain calm. He would find out just how serious this was, and when he found out things were not as bad as Harry was saying, he would help him get better. What Harry was saying could not be right; he could not be dying…but Severus knew he could be. He knew that what Harry said could be true…he knew it was true. Wasn't it he who had initially seen how ill Harry had looked? No matter, he would get the real story, and until then he would not allow himself to get too upset. He would remain calm, and wouldn't allow Harry to see how much this was hurting him.

"Very eloquently stated. You have obviously given this much thought. It is your life, Harry. If you are sure about this, I'll not question your decision, as upsetting as that prospect is. I should force you to try to help yourself, but I won't. You do need to understand that you being a wizard will hasten the cancer, however. I am not trying to change your mind; I only want you to be aware of what the facts are. You won't have the time a Muggle would. Wizards do not react well at all to cancers, and if what you have is as advanced as you seem to be telling me, I think it only proper you know you are looking at possibly four months."

Harry nodded and shrugged his shoulders. He was going to die - how much time he had mattered little to him. "May I ask a favor of you?"

"You may."

"Don't let them put me in hospital. Let me die here, Severus."

Severus again nodded, blinking a few times to be sure this was real. He was numb. How could this be happening? "I'll make sure you aren't taken from Hogwarts, Harry, but what about Ronald? Why don't you want to go home to the Burrow? I know Molly would take good care of you. Have you talked to him about this?"

Harry looked up towards the high ceiling, his eyes fixed on the intricate carvings, willing himself not to cry. He knew this was a valid question, but he didn't want to think about it. "He is with the team – they begin their season in a month, and I know he is busy with them. I don't know what to do, Severus. This is going to kill him." Harry seemed to think about what he'd said, and laughed briefly as he tried to stifle the sobs that were now wracking his small frame.

Nearing Harry, Severus allowed him to collapse in his arms. "Don't try to hold it all in - you'll just make yourself sick." Severus was worried, wondering how any of them would make it through the next few months. It was near impossible standing here hearing all of this, and having to remain calm. He had known when Harry walked in that he was about to hear bad news. In all actuality, he had known the last time he saw Harry that things were about to change. He just hadn't realised how much. He reached out his hand and lifted Harry's chin so their eyes met. "You've got to tell Ron, Harry, and you should do it soon. He deserves to know. He loves you and would be hurt if you kept this from him."

Harry nodded. This was so much harder than he had thought it would be. "Will you go with me to tell him?"

Severus sighed. "Do you think that is a good idea? You know he is already wary of me and my intentions towards you."

Harry removed Severus's hand, which was caressing his chin, and moved away. "In this situation I think he'd understand, and even if he doesn't, at this point I don't much care. I can't do this alone, Severus. I love Ron, and if he loves me, he'll understand. I need you to go with me, Severus, please. Please," Harry said, his voice cracking. "I'm dying, for fuck's sake. Say you'll go with me."

Severus had to compose himself before he responded. This was going to be far more difficult than being placed under _Cruciatus_. He would gladly submit to a million of those curses if it meant Harry would be okay.

"Very well, I'll go with you, Harry, but on one condition: someone has to take care of you, and if Ron does not make the correct decision to leave his post to take on that responsibility, I am going to, and he will have to deal with it. I wish you would reconsider your decision about trying chemotherapy, but since you seem set on allowing this cancer to claim you, I'll be damned if you will be allowed to die alone."

Harry looked at Severus, not sure what to say, and then he lost his composure completely. It was too much; he couldn't deal with this. He had explained his reasons, and he thought Severus understood. Apparently, he hadn't.

"Do you think I am giving up, Severus? Is that how it is? All my life people have wanted me to fulfill their image of what they thought I should be like, even you. I didn't like it, but I didn't have much of a choice, so I played my role. Is that what I should be doing now? Continuing to play a role and do everything humanly possible so I won't disappoint everyone by dying without putting up a proper fight? Tell me that is what I am supposed to do. Tell me that I made a wrong decision. Tell me that it will be okay when I am ill and throwing up and coughing up blood. Tell me that you will decide when I've had enough, and please, Severus, tell me you will make it stop hurting. Please, Severus." Harry's body was wracked with sobs now, and he was leaning against the wall, his head in his hands.

Severus once again pulled Harry into his arms and wrapped his arms around the shaking body. He stood there, his own tears making it difficult for him to see clearly, and held Harry, neither speaking. It was amazing how Harry had grown up so much in three weeks. Severus would rather have his young, naïve, and healthy Harry.

After they both had calmed down, Severus lifted Harry's chin, and looked into the green shimmering eyes. "I apologise, Harry. Of course I will support your decision, whatever that is, and I'll do whatever I can to make it not hurt, I promise, and I am going to take care of you if Ron doesn't. You mean too much to me to allow you to wither away by yourself."

"I'm going to be here at Hogwarts, Severus. There are plenty of people here to help me."

"Perhaps so, but you don't think I'll allow anyone else to take care of you, do you? Harry, I did turn you away that night, because you deserved true love and happiness, but you must know that I have loved you for longer than I care to think about, and I will not let you die alone. As much as I respect Ronald, I doubt he'll take a leave from his team, even for this, so you are stuck with me."

Severus led a stone-faced Harry to the sofa, and after both were seated, he summoned Dobby, who brought them a pot of tea and biscuits. Pouring two cups, he placed one of them in Harry's shaking hands.

Harry looked at the cup for a few seconds, then looked at Severus as he wiped his eyes. Coughing, Harry set down the cup. "I guess I should get used to this. Mr Angel gave me some breathing exercises for when I am panicked. I should probably try them."

"I would very much like to help you, Harry. Please tell me what to do."

Harry smiled sadly and nodded. "If you don't mind, could you go talk to Mr Angel? He said it would help if the people who were going to help me knew exactly what was going on with me. I told him you would go speak to him, and he could explain it all to you."

* * *

Severus went to visit with the doctor who had diagnosed Harry, and was not encouraged with what he was told. He had accepted everything Harry said, and hadn't argued with him about his choice to not undergo treatment, at least not as vehemently as he had wanted to, because he had been expecting the doctor to tell him Harry would likely get better with chemotherapy or even a bone marrow transplant. He would then force Harry to do something. Instead, he had been told there was only a small chance things would improve. No matter how much he wanted Harry to fight for his life, Severus would not ask Harry to go through months of treatment with the percentages he had been given.

Apparently, patients diagnosed with this particular form of leukemia usually achieved remission, but if their cancer returned, remission was usually not achieved. Mr Angel couldn't be sure since he had no records from Harry's childhood, but he told Severus he wouldn't be surprised if Harry had already had this form of leukemia as a young child. The cancer was much more aggressive than the doctor had ever seen in someone newly diagnosed with this type of leukemia.

Severus couldn't very well explain that Harry was a wizard, so he didn't know if Harry's aggressive cancer was a result of a previous bout with leukemia, or if it was because he was a wizard.

It really didn't matter. The result would be the same. He tried to glean as much information as he could about how to help Harry, but ultimately, without chemotherapy or any other treatment plan, there was little to do other than make sure Harry was as comfortable as possible. Severus wanted to force Harry to help himself, but he wouldn't. He was going to adhere to Harry's wishes.

* * *

Ron didn't take the news at all well, but to Severus's surprise, he did leave his post, and he tried to care for Harry himself. He and Harry spent most of their time at the Burrow, which was quite relaxing, quite different from what Harry had expected. Molly and Arthur were the only ones living there since all the kids were now married and living across Scotland and Wales, and though they both worried and doted on Harry as much as possible, they gave Harry and Ron their space, and most importantly, they did not try to talk Harry into changing his mind. Harry thought Severus had probably spoken with them. Whatever the case, he was relieved.

Having Ron with him made Harry happy. He was weak and ill most of the time, but that was okay. If Ron was there to help him, it didn't matter. All Harry had ever wanted was time with Ron, and now he had it. For the most part, things were just as they always had been when the two were together, but anytime Harry showed signs of being sick, Ron seemed to freeze, and he would inevitably call Severus or his mother, depending on where they were. It wasn't that he didn't want to be around Harry, because he did; he was merely scared, and had no idea what to do for Harry.

"Ron?"

Ron was almost asleep, and he thought Harry had fallen asleep long ago. "Yeah?"

"I'm not going to get better, you know."

Ron didn't know what to say, and he didn't want to think about it. He needed only to turn over and look at Harry to know time was not on their side. He wanted to take away the hurt, but there was nothing he could do. "You already told me that, Harry."

"Yeah, I did, and you ignored me. Can you please turn over so I can see you? This is really important."

Ron turned over and propped himself up on his elbow, and ran the fingers of his other hand around Harry's face. "I'm listening, Harry."

"I think you should go back to the team. I'm so glad you're here with me, really I am, but I think it would be better if you went back. I can tell how distressing this is for you, and I don't want to upset you."

Ron nodded his head and sighed. "I've tried, Harry. I just don't know what to do. I'm so afraid I will hurt you."

"Ron, you aren't going to hurt me, I promise you. But see? You can't deal with me being sick. I really think it would be best if you returned to the team."

Ron knew it would be best for everyone; there was someone else whom Harry needed now, and as upset as he should be, he wasn't. He was thankful for Severus, and wondered daily how it was that he had so misunderstood the man for so long. Other than his father, there was no other man whom Ron respected more than his former dour and abrasive teacher, Severus Snape.

"The other night when you had that coughing fit, Harry, Severus knew exactly what to do. I just froze, and he took over. I guess he can take better care of you than I could."

Ron tried to stay; he didn't want to abandon Harry, but when Harry began to feel worse, and for longer periods of time, Ron was at a loss as to what to do. He tried, but no matter what he did, Harry did not seem to improve, and it upset Ron. He finally broke down; he couldn't face what was happening.

With Harry's continued encouragement, Ron decided to return to the team, knowing Severus was a much better choice to care for Harry. He made his mum and Severus promise to let him know when Harry began getting worse. He also asked Severus if they could talk before he left.

Severus was hesitant, not knowing what to expect, but he knew it was important that he and Ron be able to get along. The evening before Ron was to leave, Severus Apparated to the Burrow and found Ron waiting for him. He did not wait for Ron to speak.

"I cannot believe you are leaving. If you truly love him, Mr Weasley, you will remain here by his side. This is not easy for any of us. Your mother is a complete wreck, but she has taken care of Harry daily, not allowing her emotions to overtake her. She has always had my respect, but never more than now. I am taking my cues from her. Your father has made it possible that no media can penetrate Hogwarts or the Burrow. He has tirelessly met with officials for two weeks now, all because of Harry, Ronald. Your family loves Harry, and I know you love him as well. I hate it that you are having to go through this, I truly do, but Harry needs you. Is there nothing I can say to persuade you to stay?"

Ron stared at Severus, his mouth open, his hands shaking. He could tell Severus about Harry asking him to leave, but it didn't much matter. "I-I, Severus, I'm not strong enough to watch him die. I do love him. I love him more than anything, but I just-I just can't. Please, let me go. I can't go through this again. I held Hermione in my arms as she died, and it killed me. I can still hear her telling me she loved me. It still hurts, so much. I can't go through that with Harry, I just can't. I will be there when I need to be, but for now, he deserves you to take care of him. I know you love him, and I know you'll be there for him. He loves you, Severus; he always has. I know he loves me, but not like he loves you. Severus, I want you and Harry to be happy. Harry deserves to be happy. Please, love him."

* * *

Harry returned to Hogwarts, allowing Severus to care for him, although Madam Pomfrey looked in on him during the day when Severus had lessons.

One evening about two weeks after Ron left, Severus found Harry sleeping restlessly, and he noticed how exhausted Harry looked. Moving the fringe from his forehead, Severus knew Harry was too warm, and when he checked Harry's temperature, it was 39 C, far too high. Severus had promised to keep Harry at Hogwarts, but he had made no promises about keeping him out of the hospital wing. Picking up Harry, Severus carried him upstairs, and was almost to the infirmary, when a group of students came towards them, one of them a Slytherin Prefect.

"Hi, Professor Snape, how is Harry? I thought he was doing okay."

"Well, he isn't, Robert, as you can see, so if you'll excuse me, I need to get him to Madam Pomfrey as soon as possible." Severus didn't feel comfortable speaking with one of his students about Harry, but Harry had decided at the beginning of term that the students should be told what was happening to him. He hadn't wanted everyone whispering about why Harry Potter had returned to Hogwarts. There were enough rumours about him as it was.

Entering the quiet and empty room, Severus carefully placed Harry on one of the beds in the private area in the back of the infirmary, and then went to get Poppy. The ensuing hour was filled with Harry being poked and prodded. Severus removed Harry's clothing and helped him, as instructed, into the bath that was full of ice. Harry woke, but was delirious. Severus held Harry up and washed him, not allowing his emotions to overtake him. There would be time for tears later. Now was the time for him to be strong.

"Severus, he really should be admitted to St Mungo's. I can only do so much for him. I know we promised him, but I'm finding it almost impossible to just sit by and watch him wither away into nothing."

"I know, Poppy, and believe me, I want to do everything in my power to allow him to live longer. I'm not ready to lose him. I thought he was supposed to be okay for a couple more months. Looking at him now, I don't think he'll live another month. He is getting weaker by the day. But Poppy, I promised him no hospitals and no heroic last minute measures to try and save him. It's going to kill me, but I will honour his request."

Both stopped talking when Harry began stirring. Poppy walked out and Severus picked Harry up out of the bath, wrapped him in a large towel, and carried him back to the infirmary bed.

When Harry was asleep again, Severus looked at Poppy, who was sitting on the other side of Harry. "You know as well as I do there is nothing that can be done now. If we did anything, it would only prolong his suffering."

* * *

Harry was propped up in Severus's bed, eating supper as he watched Severus getting dressed - the Halloween Feast was going to begin in an hour. Harry smiled as he watched Severus fastening his tunic. "I know you don't want to answer this, but will you please tell me why you never wear colors other than black, Severus?"

Severus finished dressing, put on his boots, then came and sat by Harry. He took the fork out of Harry's hand and placed it on the tray. "You don't give up, do you? Very well, I'll tell you. My mother died the year I came to Hogwarts. She was an amazing woman, Harry, as I have told you on many occasions, and she loved me like no other. She was the one who taught me everything I know about potions, and about everything else, as well. She made me feel as if I could do anything I set my mind to. Then one day she became sick, and within a few hours, she died - no warning at all. That day ended any hope of my life being an easy or enjoyable one. Without her, there was no reason to be happy or to have fun. I just didn't care anymore and I began wearing black to symbolize my feelings. I never stopped."

Harry thought about what Severus had said, and it made him sad to think he was going to leave Severus. "Please don't be sad when I die, Severus. I'm sorry I'm going to hurt you, but I want you to be happy for me, not sad. I'm so tired. I don't want to leave you, but I know I will, and it won't be too long now." Harry smiled, hoping he could force Severus to do the same.

Severus turned his head away and looked at the door. He had known Harry was going to die. He had known there would be no happy ending. He had known he'd taken on more than he could handle. What he hadn't known was that he would fall in love with Harry. Yes, he had loved Harry for years, but he had never allowed those feelings to grow. It had been rather simple to be Harry's friend when they had seen each other once a month. Now that they were almost always together, however, Severus knew he was hopelessly in love with Harry…a dying Harry.

Severus slowly turned back around so Harry could see him, not attempting to stop the tears that fell freely down his face. "I don't want you to be in pain any longer than you have to be. It is killing me to see you like this, Harry, and it hurts me to know you are lying here going through this and Ron is out there acting as if this is not happening. It isn't right, Harry. You need him here with you."

Harry shook his head. "Ron is where he needs to be, Severus. I need you here with me. Ron knows that. He loves me, but he also knows what I need. He knew I needed you now, and I know that I need you with me. Um, Severus, I know that you think of Ron and me as a couple still, but we aren't," Harry emphasized, needing Severus to understand the exact nature of his continuing relationship with Ron. "At least not like we used to be. He knows you are what I need. I will always love Ron, but I love you, and I need you with me right now, not Ron. And while we are talking about this, I know that you love me, so before I get too sick, do you think that maybe you can make love to me? You have been the perfect gentleman, and have always respected Ron and my relationship, and because of that, I know you probably want to say no, but, please, Severus, I really need you. Ron told me he wanted you and me to be together; he knew that you would be what I needed."

"I need to go, Harry, but we'll talk about this when I get back."

Harry frowned, thinking he must have misread Severus. He had at least expected an explanation, not a complete refusal to contemplate what had been asked. "You're going to say no."

Severus leaned down and kissed Harry on the lips chastely before pulling back. "Don't put words in my mouth, Mr Potter."

* * *

Harry was in the toilet, leaning over the basin, blood dripping onto the porcelain, his coughing uncontrollable. He stared into the mirror - bloodshot eyes and a much too gaunt looking face, pale except for a couple of blotches of blood on his chin, stared back at him. Harry continued looking at the strange figure staring back at him, wondering how it could be that two and a half months ago, he had felt fine, going about his life as if he hadn't a care in the world. How could so much have changed in so little time?

Harry withdrew the flannel that he had pressed against his nose and mouth, and after making sure no more blood was going to flow out, he dropped the formerly white, now red, flannel into the basin.

He was about to get another flannel when one was placed in front of him. Harry reached out for it, but stopped and instead leaned back into Severus, who turned on the tap, and waited for the water to turn warm.

When it had warmed enough, Severus wet the flannel and brought it up to Harry's chin, wiping the drying blood, and wetting the dry and cracked lips.

Harry watched with heavy eyes, but eventually allowed them to close as he breathed in the familiar scent of Severus.

When he next awoke, he was in Severus's bed, and in Severus's arms. He felt safe. He was sick and wanted this to be over with. He didn't want to be in pain anymore, but he didn't want to leave Severus. He felt safe.

"Severus?"

"Yes?"

"Why am I already so sick? They told me I would be okay for a few months."

"Do you remember what I told you? You being a wizard has made you less able to fight off the cancer."

Harry pulled back and looked at Severus, his breathing raspy. "I want to be with you before I die. Please tell me you'll make love to me."

Severus looked into green eyes. He didn't even need to think about it; he could give Harry this. Then he would go get Ron, and bring him back to be with Harry. Severus wasn't sure if Harry would make it until Christmas, even though it was already December twentieth. It had been almost four months since the diagnosis, and Severus knew Harry was running out of time.

Harry pulled back further and frowned. "Please?"

Severus wiped away a tear that was running down his nose, and nodded as he scooped Harry up and crawled with him to the head of the bed. He laid Harry down, and then slowly he removed Harry's nightshirt and pants, the only clothing he had on. Then with a wave of his wand, he removed his own clothing and lay down beside Harry and propped himself up on his elbow. "If you want me to stop, just say so."

Harry nodded. "Okay."

Severus closed his eyes. Harry sounded so weak. He needed rest, and he needed his strength. This would likely sap him of any potency. But Severus would do it. He would do whatever Harry asked if it meant making Harry happy and comfortable. This action may even kill Harry, and Severus knew that, but he would do it. He may be haunted for the remainder of his days, but he would not let his Harry down.

Severus looked down at Harry's limp penis, and another tear fell down his cheek. He reached down and gently took it in his hand, rubbing his fingers along the underside. He then crawled down to the end of the bed and positioned himself so he could look into Harry's eyes. Then he bent over and carefully took the now slightly erect cock into his mouth, eliciting a moan from Harry. Severus continued to increase his suction, but there was no more movement, and Severus finally pulled back and allowed the almost limp penis to fall from his mouth. He reached out his hand and caressed it, memorizing the feel of his Harry. There was the slightest twitch, but nothing more.

He leant over and kissed it, then crawled up Harry's body and whispered in one of Harry's ears. "You are beautiful, Harry. You're my beautiful Harry." Then ever so slowly, Severus reached over and grabbed for a pillow, and then positioned it underneath Harry's hips. After repositioning himself, he lifted one of Harry's legs and let it rest on his shoulder.

Looking at Harry, who was motionless, Severus had to wipe away more tears. How could he do this? How could he not?

"Harry. Can you please open your eyes and look at me? I want you to see me when I make love to you."

Harry slowly opened his eyes, and tears spilled out. "I love you," rasped Harry.

"I love you too, Harry. I am going to perform both lubrication and relaxation spells now so you will not have to expend any more energy than necessary."

Five seconds later Severus began lowering himself into Harry as slowly as he could. He refused to hurt Harry. When he was fully inside, he gathered his hands underneath the hips beneath him and lifted Harry towards him so the younger man could take the cock deeper into his body. Severus was as deep inside Harry as he could ever get, as he would ever get. He wanted to remember this feeling and sight forever. He never wanted to leave Harry.

Laying Harry back onto the pillow, Severus lifted out and gently pushed back in, stifling his own moans and sobs, so he could listen for any response from Harry. After a few more thrusts, Severus heard Harry asking him to fuck him harder. Severus smiled, but he didn't change his pace, and even though he was hard and ready, he would not allow himself release until he absolutely had to. He wanted Harry to enjoy this even if he was not going to be able to ejaculate.

Severus was careful not to press against Harry's prostate because he thought that might be too stressful on Harry in his fragile condition, but almost as if Harry knew what he was doing, Severus heard Harry moaning.

"Please, touch me, Severus. I need to feel. I want you to make me scream. Please touch me there - you know what I am talking about, I know. I need you to, please."

Severus nodded and repositioned himself when he pulled out, then he slowly pushed back in, aiming his cock at Harry's prostate. He smiled when Harry gasped. Studying the small figure beneath him, Severus noticed Harry had closed his eyes again, as well as the fact that he was now sweating and panting. It was time to finish this. A couple of thrusts later and Severus felt himself emptying inside of Harry. He had to quell the urge to shout his joy and sadness - he didn't want to scare Harry.

When he was calm enough to breathe normally, Severus slid out gently, then climbed up Harry and kissed him. Green eyes opened and stared at him.

"Thank you."

Ron was summoned the following day, and he and Harry spent the next week together, trying not to think of what was about to happen. Christmas came and went with little notice. Severus remained in the background, wanting to give Ron time with Harry, but he never left Harry. He wanted to be there if anything happened.

Ron sat by Harry, wiping his forehead, feeding him ice, and holding him when he cried. Ron held Harry as he slept, changed him when blood soaked his shirt, and cried when Severus held them both.

Severus watched Ron with Harry. He wanted to hate Ron for not being there for Harry. He wanted to make Ron leave. He wanted to be the one holding Harry. He wanted to be the only person taking care of him. But, he also wanted to do what was right, and Ron deserved to spend some time with Harry.

Severus looked up when someone shook his shoulder, and panicked when he saw that it was Ron. "Is it Harry?"

"No, he's sleeping. I just wanted to tell you again that Harry deserves to have you be with him when he goes. I love him, and I know he loves me, but he also loves you as well. He always loved you, and I want it to be you who is with him, and I want it to be you whose face he sees when it is time. As I said before I left the last time, I know you love him. I know you have taken care of him while I have been gone, and I will be forever grateful to you for that. I just needed to say that I am sorry I came back and took your place. He needs you. You belong by his side."

Severus broke down. He was going to lose Harry. Harry was really going to die.

* * *

Severus sat beside Harry, holding the small pale hands in his. The once messy hair that had stuck out in every direction now matted itself to Harry's perspiration-covered forehead, the magically chilled flannel doing little to alleviate the fever that had settled in. Severus re-wet the cloth with his wand and replaced it on Harry's forehead. He heard Harry moan.

"Harry? Are you in pain?

"Not too much. Can I ask you a question, and will you please help me sit up?"

Severus propped two pillows against the headboard and carefully helped Harry get comfortable, and received a kiss on his cheek in thanks. He smiled and took Harry's hands in his, running his thumbs over Harry's wrists. "You may ask me as many questions as you wish, Harry."

"Have you ever thought what it would be like when you die?"

Severus, who was now sitting on the bed facing a cross-legged Harry, nodded. "Actually, I have. There was a time when I thought I'd not live to see the next day. I always imagined that when my time came, there would be this calm that came over me. I don't know that I believe in most peoples' thoughts on what will happen after we die, but I do think it has to be beautiful. My mother – she looked so peaceful when she died. I was beyond anyone's comfort, but whenever I find myself missing her, all I need do is remember how she looked when the pain went away."

Harry smiled, and focused on his hands. He loved the feel of his hands in Severus's. "I remember when Hermione died, how peaceful she looked. It is weird because she had been in so much pain, and then it was gone. I'll never forget the way she looked at Ron before she died. It was then that I realised she had loved Ron, and not me. I had been so blind, but in that second, I could tell she was okay. She knew what was going to happen, and she wasn't scared because she was with the person she loved. I didn't understand how she could look so calm, but now I think I understand. I was scared when they told me I had cancer. There is so much I haven't done yet, and I didn't want to die. I thought I was too young. But, I'm not scared anymore, Severus. It's like – I don't know how to explain it really, but – I'm happy, and I'm calm because I am with you. Because of you, it's not as hard. It doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would. I know it is because of the pain potions, but it's okay. That is what scared me the most – the pain. Now the only thing that scares me is how sad you will be. I don't want you to be sad."

* * *

Harry pried open his eyes as he struggled to breathe, looking for Severus. He saw Ron, and whispered his name, and within a second, Ron was sitting beside him, holding his hand.

"I'm here, Harry."

"Severus," Harry whispered. "Where's Severus?"

Ron knew. He was naïve about so many things, but he knew Harry was about to go. "I'll get him for you. I love you, Harry." Ron squeezed the small hand beneath his, leaned over, and kissed Harry one final time. He then stood up and looked over to Severus before leaving the hospital wing.

"Severus? Are you there?"

Severus took the place where Ron had been sitting. "I'm here, love."

Harry looked into Severus's eyes, which were mere inches from his. He didn't want to leave Severus, but he was so tired. "I think I want to go now."

Severus nodded. He wasn't ready for this. He would never be ready for this. "It's okay, Harry. Just let go. It's okay."

"Will you hold me, Severus?"

Severus did not reply. He gathered Harry in his arms, picked him up, and carried him to the window. "It's a beautiful day, Harry. Do you hear the birds?"

Harry opened his eyes and looked out at the blue sky, and saw a pair of osprey flying by. He had seen one of them that first day back to Hogwarts, as well. It was a sign. They were telling him it was okay.

It was a beautiful day…

"I do hear them, and they are beautiful. I love you, Severus."

"I love you, Harry." Severus leaned down to kiss Harry and felt as the small arms around his neck went limp. He allowed more tears to fall as he looked out the window again at a third osprey that had joined the other two. A new life…a new beginning. Looking down at his beautiful Harry, Severus traced his fingers over the pale lips. "Sleep well, my beautiful Harry."

It was a beautiful day.

~*~ The End ~*~

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